May 1 2014

Welcome to the World Heidi!

Posted on May 1, 2014 by admin

I’ve been a little quiet for the past month… no prizes for guessing why. I’ve built up month’s worth of pent up frustration and have soooo much to say about the longest pregnancy / labour in history, but I’ll save this for a less emotionally charged (and less tiring) day.

Right now, I’d like to introduce the new love of my life - Heidi (middle name to be decided) Mills.

Okay, I’m a little late. She came into the world via emergency c section on April 24th - nearly a whole week ago. The fact she came out of me with a little help from a spinal epidural and one seriously hot doctor doesn’t mean I didn’t experience labour. In fact, I laboured HARD; 14 hours in “established” labour stuck on all fours, screaming and swearing, and countless hours before that writhing around on my sofa. It’s been the hardest and most physically traumatic thing I’ve ever done.

1925233 10152022663237190 5445050460515686859 n Welcome to the World Heidi!

Heidi is tiny. 6lb 9 at birth she has plenty of baggy skin around her legs and arms to grow into. She’s got her daddy’s long legs, but I can’t really see either of us in her facially yet. In truth, she doesn’t look much like a ‘Heidi’. She doesn’t have the Germanic look that Dexter did when he was a few days old; her hair is darker and her skin isn’t as milky. But this was the only name Craig and I were able to agree upon. I liked Maeve, Orla and Elsa, and Craig was keen on Beatrice, Harriet and Bethany.

10300963 10152027103012190 2551028950419065721 n Welcome to the World Heidi!

Other than a minor case of Positional Talipes (her little feet are currently facing facing inwardly) which we’ve been referred to specialist for, she’s perfect. She was treated for Strep B at birth and cultures were grown using her blood that thankfully tested negative. She’s a sleepy little thing and is capable of 6 hour long stretches of sleep so has slotted into a routine of sorts already.

My milk still hasn’t fully come through yet so we’re currently on a mixed feeding schedule which involves as much skin to skin contact and ‘breast time’ as possible and 2-3 60ml formula feeds per day. It’s a demanding challenge to take on and Heidi can sit on me for hours at a time before unlatching herself. It’s been very difficult for Dexter as his mummy is having to give so much of her time over to his new baby sister.

Don’t get me wrong, Dexter is intrigued by Heidi and forever touching and kissing her, but he is resenting the time I’m rendered immobile. He calls for me constantly and his cries have taken on a heartbreaking quality that has had me in tears several times. I am so proud of him though - he’s very soft-handed with her and is helping with basic chores such as fetching nappies and blankets. I’m sure I’ll end up writing about this more extensively as I have a sinking feeling these tears might be more than a little nod to some impending baby blues.

Dexter and Heidi Welcome to the World Heidi!

Physically, I’m doing well. Sheer bloody mindedness saw me out of bed just 5 hours after surgery and walking around the hospital corridors. I was discharged as soon as Heidi was given the all-clear and my suture has now been removed. Although this is only my second c section, I like to think of myself as a bit of a pro now and have an upcoming post in mind on tips for post-surgery recovery.

So that’s it - normal service will resume asap and I’ll be working through some reviews of products I’ve found invaluable, and posts all about Dexter and Heidi as they forge a bond despite their hysterical mummy and shattered daddy (poor Craig had just half a day’s paternity leave). Right now, I’m off for a cold shower, little cry, then plenty of cuddles with both of my beautiful children.

xxx

Jan 27 2014

A Sneak Peek at Mini Madam & Some Bad News (28 Weeks)

Posted on January 27, 2014 by admin

Well the good times were short-lived. Just two weeks after telling the world I was finally feeling better with this pregnancy, I’m feeling rubbish again.

Emotionally, I’m beginning to worry about the stresses of having another little one to look after. As Craig is self-employed and solely responsible for supporting this mini family, the night-feeds will be my job (and my job alone) from Day 1. Of course, this would be the case anyway, it’s not like Craig can detach my boobs and get on with it without me! But all of a sudden it seems very real and very scary.

With Dexter not yet at nursery, and getting ever-more demanding throughout the day - I do worry I might see a resurgence of PND too. I also really worry about how my little man will cope with sharing me… and how I will cope being shared! I have this mental image of Mini Madam latching on and Dexter emerging into the room with various treasures he’s managed to collect from around the house - bleach, knives, and scissors… Of course these things are usually locked away, but what if I’m exhausted and get careless, or if Dexter develops telekinesis due to abandonment issues???

In other news, I’m positively ravenous. The odd cherry bakewell and satsuma doesn’t touch the sides anymore. I’ve read that an 11lb weight gain is typical in the third trimester but if this carries on I’m likely to surpass that and eventually require air-lifting to the hospital!

Baby Girl 3D 28 Weeks A Sneak Peek at Mini Madam & Some Bad News (28 Weeks)

We also saw our gorgeous daughter in 3D this week. Craig managed to get a sneak peek too, in-between liberating various medical instruments from Dexie’s clutches throughout the scan. We counted all her toes and fingers and all the right bits were in the right places… including her girlie bits. This was such a relief. There was however bad news to come.

It seems my wonky belly button is due to Mini Madam chilling in just the one side of my belly. My placenta is wedged in beside her and she’s largely confined to my left hand side. Her feet are also wedged in beside her ears in all the tell-tale signs of another extended breech situation. What are the chances???

So it seems I have yet another Tom Daley wannabe lounging in my tummy. Dexter adopted exactly the same position throughout my first pregnancy and it ended with a failed ECV and a ruptured placenta. On my first day of maternity leave I bled out in my living room and had to call an ambulance. Dexter was delivered by emergency c-section a matter of hours later.

Of course there’s a slim chance baby could do a few somersaults and get into position before D Day - but there’s not much room in there for her to pull out such gymnastic feats. Of course I’ll be offered another ECV to try and poke and prod her over-and-under. But I’m beginning to think it would be selfish of me to even attempt this. An ECV might seem like the safest option, but I’ve seen firsthand what happens when it goes wrong. The thought of her getting tangled in my umbilical cord, or kicking my placenta to bits and compromising her ability to get those vital nutrients, frightens me more than the prospect of yet another c-section.

Of course I’m really reveling in the ‘what if’s’ here, but I’m still disappointed and worried. I had been really excited about the prospect of giving birth naturally and it’s sad to think I won’t be able to experience this. I also worry about whether my body will be able to cope with another pregnancy after this.

I’m off to see my midwife tomorrow - seems we have lots to talk about…

Oct 4 2013

Birth Planning Tales - A Guest Post by Colette from We’re Going on an Adventure!

Posted on October 4, 2013 by admin

My final guest post this week is bought to you by Colette from We’re Going on an Adventure. She blogs all about life with her husband Dave, and two gorgeous children Ben & Chloe. I’m eternally grateful for this post as it’s a very honest account of how it feels to have birth planning go awry. As we’re both currently pregnant (even though she’s streaks ahead of me with baby number 3 due in November) and both have C-sections booked, this post is very close to me right now. This is the reality of birthing when there are mitigating factors - it’s emotional, refreshingly honest, and a bit of a departure from her usual funny style. I love her for letting me host it and wish her every success with the birth of baby 3. I’ll be glued to her blog to find out how it goes (and gush over those precious newborn pictures!) and I hope you will be too.

I’m one of those people who likes a good list, I like to be organised and I like to know what’s happening. For some reason I didn’t feel quite the same about birth and knew that I needed to be relaxed about it and go with the flow a bit more. I knew what I didn’t want (home or water births really held no appeal) and I knew what I did want – natural labour, minimum drugs (of course) but I also knew that I had little control over that and that as long as baby came out healthy nothing else really mattered. I never bothered to write a birth plan as I just saw that as setting myself up to be disappointed. I spoke at length to my husband about how I wanted things to go and what his role was to be and that was as far as the planning went. Just as well really because what I ended up with was pethidine, an epidural and eventually an emergency C-section. Much as I was disappointed to have had the C-section I knew it was the right thing for me and Ben at the time, I didn’t have a choice in the matter and that made it easier to accept.

Second time round and I really wanted to attempt the VBACs. Again I didn’t bother with the birth plan just discussed with my consultant and husband that I didn’t want another C-section. I really wanted to give birth naturally etc etc. When the time came and I ended up being induced early I had to just take it as it came – which in the end wasn’t very well. Two days of attempting to induce via balloon catheter (hideous thing) and pessary ended up in another emergency C-section (whilst it was classed as an emergency because it wasn’t planned, I must stress there was nothing particularly urgent about it). Because the decision was taken the night before that I would be having the C-section I was able make it clear how I wanted things to go – for example that this time I wanted my baby delivering onto my chest rather than whisked away and brought back to Dave. I really wanted Dave in there while I was having the spinal as that was the one bit I found really frightening – but they wouldn’t allow it. My second C-section, whilst not what I wanted, was definitely a better experience. I was however left with this nagging feeling that maybe I could have given birth naturally if I’d fought harder, if I’d made them wait – but then at the same time I was being induced for good reason so who was I to argue.

So now to the imminent arrival of number 3. I was always told that if I had anymore children it would automatically be by C-section. I pretty much accepted that but over the last few months I’ve been told more than once that actually that’s not always the case now and that if I wanted to try and give birth naturally they would support me in that – however this was always tempered with the information that a) they wouldn’t allow me to be induced and b) they wouldn’t allow me to go over due (or in fact probably reach my due date). So effectively for me to give birth naturally baby needs to decide to come early and then who’s to say I wouldn’t end up with a C-section anyway and a whole heap of disappointment in another “failed” attempt. In the end I’ve pretty much accepted that I will be having a planned section (I refuse to call it elective as that suggests a choice and really I don’t have one). My section is booked, I know the date Beak will be here and that feels really strange. If for any reason this baby decides it would rather make its entrance slightly early I will go with that, I will let labour progress under the watchful eyes of the professionals and see what happens but I know in all likelihood that this baby is coming out of “the sunroof”.

I feel cheated that I’ve never been able to experience a natural birth but I appreciate that with Ben I was at least able to experience labour, I know what it feels like to have my waters break in the middle of the night and to suffer the contractions for hours on end. I won’t ever get to feel the elation of having pushed my own baby out but really, in the scheme of things what does it matter? I have two happy, healthy children who don’t care a jot how they came into the world. I think I’m probably more nervous about this section than I have been in the past but that’s because I know its coming – I’ve never had chance to worry about it before!

I would be really interested to know if you made a birth plan, whether it was helpful and indeed whether you were actually able to stick to it or not?

To find out more about Collette and her family (and indeed follow her latest pregnancy!) beyond her blog, you can connect with her on the following social media accounts:

Twitter –@Lollinski

Facebook - We’re Going on an Adventure

Pinterest – Collette - We’re Going on an Adventure