It’s no secret that my kids aren’t the only one in this house with a stash of toys. I don’t think I could handle the stress of my two munchkins without a spot of me-time, and Craig and I both share the view that an intimate knowledge of our own bodies has resulted in a happy and fulfilling sex life together. We’re not randy buggers (I wish!) but we have managed to make two beautiful babies and are breezing through 5 year itch territory with no problems (*nods appreciatively at her bulging knicker drawer*).
I’m well aware that I can count a handful of mums from the school gate as sometime readers of my blog, and this doesn’t bother me at all. Like me, they’re rushing home to a mountain of washing up when they say goodbye to their children, I just happen to sometimes chose some duvet time over a coffee at 10.30am. Then it’s onto a punishing routine of running this blog, housework and scrubbing crayon off the walls! Nothing extraordinary about life within this home, I can assure you!
So when Smilemakers recently got in touch and asked me if I’d like to review a few of their new friendly vibrators, I naturally said yes. I loved their branding from the off, and am furiously nodding at their mission statement:
YES! This encapsulates everything I’ve tried to say above. In my opinion, backed up by many of my friends, masturbation is a wonderful thing. It’s an attitude I wouldn’t be adverse to my children sharing when they’re older, respecting their privacy etc. I would much rather they learned about their bodies themselves rather than have it explored by someone else before they’re comfortable!
There are tons of hidden benefits to self-pleasuring too. Sexual wellbeing and overall wellbeing is intuitively linked. Doctors also point out that a healthy sex life (be that on your own or with a partner) means better health. An orgasm will release endorphins and oxytocin which trigger positive feelings not only affecting confidence and how beautiful you feel, but also how beautiful you look - as if you needed any more convincing…
So you’re onboard - Come meet the dream team!
In short - Smilemakers have really impressed me with their vibrators. They’re non-intimidating, battery-operated (for convenience) and made from sleek-looking silicone in pastel pallettes. With names like The Frenchman, The Tennis Coach, The Millionaire and The Fireman, they’re about far as you can get from menacing looking dildos or gawdy neon “rabbits”. This spoke to me straight away. I might have a mini collection at home, but I don’t have many big boys here. I’m lucky enough to have Craig for when I need a ‘fuller’ experience, and appreciate that 90% of women will prefer clitoral stimulation for a quick solo afternoon session. I guess you could say, I’d rather have a chicken salad than a mixed grill at lunch.
This puts Smilemakers range on a par with Lelo’s bullet vibrators; small, discrete and well, friendly-looking. Yet Smilemakers have gone one step further, they’ve directly catered for those of us who prefer stimulating externally with two tongue simulators in their range. Funnily enough there aren’t many of these on the market, especially at the under £30 mark, so this appealed straight away. It’s these two I’ve reviewing below.
What did I make of them?
Like all the range, these two bad boys require 1x AAA battery and are reported to give up to 4 hours of continuous fun (chance would be a fine thing!), which is great for convenience sake although it would be good to have one included. Simply untwist the base, pop it in and they’re ready for action. I’m also impressed how all of the range have 4 speeds + pulsation - just tap on the base to move up or down a gear. This puts them in the “multi-mood” camp for me - suitable for both cheeky 5 minute thrills, or longer sessions with (or without) Craig.
They’re made from super smooth waterproof cryogenically polished (phthalates-free) silicone with no harsh seams to catch you out. Believe it not, I’ve thrown toys away for seams before - there’s no excuse for it and it’s my pet hate. Rather these offer an incredibly soft experience, both in and out of the bath, and are a cinch to keep clean.
Noise-wise, I’d give them a 9/10. At just 40dB, in a silent house hubby won’t hear them from downstairs, but you’ll still hear a tiny buzz when operating them. This makes them a great option for foreplay where you’d rather hear each other than your shop-bought playmates (it won’t wake the kids either - bonus!).
Enough skirting about, how did they perform?
THE FIREMAN (The pink one)
I like him. He was able to bring me where I wanted to go in a matter of minutes and has become my go-to buddy when Craig is unavailable. The whole thing vibrates rather than just the tip, making it super versatile and I like the fact the speed setting is far away from the bit I’m “in the moment with” so it doesn’t interrupt what I’m doing. When on a higher setting, the tongue bit will vibrate away offering a super sensitive experience. I’d happily recommend this as an entry level vibe, or one for the pros who need something a little less intense.
I’m still waiting on the ultimate, that’s to say a vibrator with this head, but a non-moving/vibrating shaft, so you can truly relax without tell-tale buzzing hands - but this is where it slots in nicely with Craig’s and my bedroom antics as I’m not operating him.
THE FRENCHMAN (The blue one)
I don’t want to criticise this vibrator as I’m still overjoyed it’s out to stimulate the bit we all want it to. I just think it’s built for someone else. After some careful maneuvering I still got “there”, I just think The Fireman is able to whisk me there quicker. I’m putting this down to the shape of the head which, whilst still super flexible, will move around less.
That said, this is Craig’s favourite as he likens it more to himself so he finds it easier to operate - no complaints from me on this score! It’s made a cameo on a few date nights with Craig and I but for some reason I’m very conscious I can’t relax with it on my own. Again, it would be great for first timers who want to try something new, but also for couples who want to spice things up.
In conclusion
This sums up self-pleasuring for me. We all have different preferences. Half the enjoyment is finding what’s right for you, and I’m happy to report that Smilemakers have something for every taste.
Fancy a go? Pick your man by visiting SmilermakersCollection.co.uk
Want to buy? Fabulous! They currently all have £5 off, making them £24.99 each exclusively available at Superdrug
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