The “How well do you know me?” Tag

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SOURCE: Me, me, me dreaming (with a little help from my friends) Richard Bell

I’ve been tagged again! This time by the very gorgeous Colette from We’re Going on an Adventure. She’s mummy to 3 scrummy children (Ben, Chloe and Amy) and the host (alongside Kate from Family Fever) of the Tried & Tested review linky that so many of us link up to week after week. This week, she’s after a few painless facts from me…

1. What is your real name?
Gemma CHAMBERLAIN. I write under Gemma Mills as I’m a bunny-boiling fantasist who has skipped a few minor stages in her relationship and taken on her married name early…

2. What do people call you?
Gems, Gem Gem, a few choice swear words, Fairy Non Bio (I’m safe around kiddies but am the very definition of a soapbox queen)… and, strangely enough, Gemma.

3. How old are you?
31 (possibly).

4. What month do you get your birthday?
January. I still resent my parents for this. No one ever has any money to celebrate with me.

5. Do you have children? (if yes, how old, how many and girl or boy?)
Yep… I have a little guy called Dexter (22 months), and I’m currently boring people to death with news of my latest pregnancy. Mini Madam is due early April but I’ve served her eviction papers this weekend and am hoping you’ll get to meet her later this month.

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6. What is your blog?
You’re already here! It’s My Mills Baby (and yep it’s going to need renaming when my new little cherub arrives).

7. How long have you been blogging for?
Is it bad that I just had to check? It seems I started this thing in September 2011.

8. Name your top 3 blogs:
The Mummy Adventure, In the Playroom & Stitches and Stretchmarks (and We’re Going on an Adventure of course!)

9. Do you work?
I’m currently a baby wipe tester, personal chef, pre-school educator, cleaner, first-aid specialist, purchaser for Chez Mills, social commentator…

No. In all honesty, I’m a very frustrated stay-at-home mummy who really, really, really wants to get back to work.

10. Do you have a partner?
Yes, Craigy! The best not-quite-fiancé to ever walk the earth. We were pregnant with Dexter within weeks of rediscovering each other after 10+ years doing our own thing.

11. What is going on in your life at the moment?
Aside from the obvious… general hypochondria, familial chaos and the odd discussion about a wedding (when I’ve spiked Craig’s drinks).

12. What do you love about blogging?
If you’d have asked me a few months ago I’d have said something endearing like “It’s a digital scrapbook” or something terribly pr-conscious like “Discovering new brands and learning about parenthood through shared experiences”… Right now I’d describe it as nicotine replacement therapy.

13. Tell us a little bit about yourself:
Inside this stretchmark-ridden, whale-like, iron-clad exterior, I’m a slightly more emotionally-stable Katie Hopkins. Get me on This Morning’s couch or a panel at Question Time and I’ll solve the deficit, immigration and the NHS problem. All that’s stopping me from entering into politics are the bulging skeletons in my closet - The Daily Mail would have a field day if I appeared on television in any formal capacity.

14. Why did you start blogging?
For completely honourable purposes - to record my family life and have something to show my children in years to come. The egomania kicked in about 10 days later.

15. What is your favourite time of the year and why?
Summer when I’m slim(er) and not pregnant.

16. Best day(s) of your life?
The birth of my son, and (hopefully) the serene birth of my little lady.

17. Where do you live?
Reading, Berks.

18. What language(s) do you speak?
English. Obviously. I can also tell you who I am, how old I am, and where I live in German and French too (thanks to A*’s at GCSE). I also tell people I can watch The Bridge without the subtitles and understand every word… but this is sheer nonsense.

19. What are your favourite television programmes?
Anyone wondering if I’m as schizophrenic in real life as I am on this blog should take a look at the things I have on series record on my TalkTalk Youview thingy. I won’t miss University Challenge, Panorama and Question Time, but I also love a bit of TOWIE and anything featuring serial killers, true crime or business.

20. Are you aiming for anything this year?
To survive the first few months of being a new mummy again without walking into the middle of the road wearing nothing but a white flag.

21. What kind of person are you?
See 13. I’m guessing that makes me lazy?

So who am I tagging…? The Mummy Adventure, In the Playroom & Stitches and Stretchmarks


The Mum Tag!

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I quite like these tag thingies. You get to read all about the people behind the blogs you’ve been stalking for the last few years, and it’s often the best chance you’ll get to see a picture of mum too! So it’s thanks to my buddy Helen from Mummy to the Max (and I can’t not pimp her newest blog too - Saving to the Max), that I’m having a go at this one today.

Without further ado…

1. Are you a Stay at Home Mum, or a Working Mum?

Every mum is a working mum - it’s the hardest job in the world being strapped to a teething, demanding, and paddy-prone toddler all day. Every day has the potential to land you both in A&E, and every day I have to take plenty of 5 minute time-outs to massage my temples free of a brewing migraine, or whack an ice pack on my head as Dexter has klouted it with a toy. But no, I don’t currently don a suit every day and transform into Lois Lane. My office is the living room, my uniform is whatever I can find in the wardrobe that isn’t covered in Sudocrem paw-prints, and my only client is this little guy (my adorable 21 month-old, Dexter).

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2. Would you have it any other way?

Yes and no. I love being at home with Dexter, and am soon to have my hands even fuller (if this is at all possible) when Mini Madam arrives. I like to think I’m pretty hands on. Although I’m not the Pritt Stick-wielding crafty type, we do fit in plenty of cuddles and learning experiences throughout day. In fact, I’m pretty much his teacher, his medic, his personal stylist, his caterer… there’s not a lot of time to cram in much else. I’m also not glued to the laptop as many might think (Dexter kicks off if I even dare to check my emails during Justin’s House).

Having said all this, I really do miss work and having the freedom to earn my own money. Dropping a wage is not an easy decision but one that (thankfully) we were able to make together.

3. Do you co-sleep?
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Good God no. Craig and I have a super king size bed for just the two of us, and still manage to fight over covers and whack each other a few times every night. No way is our bed a safe place for Dexter! I’m also not sure I could cope with his constant finger-sucking and the smell of morning poo…
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4. What is your one must-have item for your baby?
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Hmm. Can I say ‘my Craig’? Okay, okay, given he’s not strictly an ‘item’, I’ll plump for a bouncer as it gives you plenty of hands-free time. I’m also really excited to be trialling a NCT Bed Nest over the next few months with Mini Madam.
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5. How many kids do you plan on having?
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This’ll make you laugh but I’d be happy as the UK’s answer to the matriarch of the Brady Bunch. I think I’d have to kiss my Craig goodbye though as I don’t think he could cope with me being pregnant again anytime soon. I have unprecedented mood-swings and absolutely hate the entire 9 months I have to share my body with a mini human. I certainly wouldn’t rule out adoption or fostering in the future though.
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6. Date night? How many nights per month?
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Not enough. This is purely because I’m pregnant though and we’re both too exhausted to come up with date night ideas that don’t involve alcohol. We’re not short of willing baby-sitters (nor cash thankfully), I just don’t think you can beat a nice meal, a relaxing glass of wine, and a spot of dodgy mum-and-dad-dancing.
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7. Your childs favourite show?
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Much to my annoyance, it seems to be Mister Maker. He has a little bop during the theme tune and looks eagerly at me when Mister Maker makes something naff out of yoghurt pots, googley eyes and cotton wall. This show riles me like no other as it requires so many bits and bobs that you just don’t have in your home - instead you spend a fortune in HobbyCraft to make something that entertains your child for all of 30 seconds.
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8. Name one thing you bought before you had your baby and never ended up using?
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A few things - nappy bins, nappy stackers and room thermometers are pretty high up there. I’m sure these things have happy homes in other people’s houses, but they never made it of my cupboard.
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9. Your child’s favourite food?
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Dex would be happy on a diet of chips, lasagna and shepherds pie forever more. He’s pretty partial to Mini Cookies too. Oh dear, this makes him sound like a future candidate for Supersize vs Superskinny… He does eat plenty of fruit too - honest! (Here’s a previous post on tips for dealing with fussy eaters - See? No need to get on to Social Services).
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10. How many cars does your family have?
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Two. Craig has a work van, and we also have a clapped out family car. I don’t drive - in fact, I’ve crashed three cars, run over a dog, and a person’s foot throughout my 5+ years of lessons. It is one of my goals this year to get behind the wheel of an automatic - but don’t worry, expectation is understandably low from my family members.
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11. Weight gain before pregnancy, during and after and now?
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I’ve always been curvy. In-between pregnancies I sat uncomfortably between a 14-16, but my natural size is closer to a 12-14. I’m sure I’ll make a few half-arsed attempts to lose some weight when Mini Madam arrives - maybe jog up the stairs a few times, or watch a few Davina McCall DVDs from the safety of the sofa, but I wouldn’t want to go any smaller than a size 12 as I have big boobs so might end up like Dolly Parton.
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12. Dream holiday with your kids?
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I suspect lots of mums have answered Disney Land / World / or whatever other garish monstrosity these guys have built around the globe. Personally I’d rather place my head in a vice but I’m reliably informed it’s great for mini people so assume we’ll wind up there at some point.
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Instead, I’d plump for Australia. We’re hoping to move out there in a few years time despite the fact I’ve never been! Craig has been, and I trust his instincts on this, but I’d love to see it before I commit. Would be pretty scary stepping off the plane for the first time without a home to go home to!
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13. Dream holiday without your kids?
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Lake Como on a wedding planning venture.
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14. How has your life changed since your baby has been born?
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I’ve become one of those irritating women who spam people on Facebook with images and statuses about her children.
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15. Finish the sentence: ‘It makes my heart melt to see …
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Craig and Dexter playing together. I love my boys with every fibre of my being and couldn’t have dreamed of a better daddy for Dex… plus this means I’m hands-free for a few more minutes.
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16. Where do you shop for your kids?
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Anywhere really. We love H&M and Zara but you’re just as likely to find me looking for bargains in Primark or on eBay. I don’t see the need to dress Dexter in designer clothes everyday - he always looks adorable and that’s all that matters at his age. We’ll save the pennies now so we can deck him out in A&F, Superdry, and whatever else is deemed as ‘cool’ when he’s in the throws of adolescence.
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17. Favourite makeup and skincare products?
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Clinque, Lancome, Estee Lauder, MAC… you don’t really care about this, do you?
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18. Huggies or Pampers?
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We swore by Pampers when Dex was weeney but have quickly worked out that ASDA’s Little Angels are equally up to the task and ten times cheaper. It’s trial and error with these things but when it comes down to it, they catch poo = no need to spend a fortune. I feel the need to clarify that this is the only thing I’ll brave ASDA for - it’s my idea of hell in there.
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19. Have you always wanted kids?
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Nope. It wasn’t until I met Craig (aged 29) that I even thought about it. I used to smirk a little when I went on Facebook and saw old school friends with 2 or 3 kids and married - like I somehow knew better. Seems they had it right from the beginning and the joke is on me.
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20. Best part about being a mum?
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The unknown. I love the unwavering love that Dexter has for me, every cuddle, and seeing him hit each milestone - but I know there’s so much more to come from my little man (and his sister). There’s a whole world for them to make their mark in, and I can’t wait to wipe away their tears and celebrate their successes with the man I’m lucky enough to wake up next to every morning.
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Now to tag some of you…
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Jacinta from Jacintax3
Pippa from Red Rose Mummy
Donna from Redhead Babyled
Dawn from Mummys Little Peeps

The Dilemma for Return to Work Mums

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I was recently asked for my thoughts on return to work mums, and to be honest I really struggled to get my bum off a really uncomfortable fence. I made a week-long return to work when Dexter was 7 months-old, needless to say, it was incredibly short-lived. It had been the plan to phase out Craig’s work and have him work 3 hours in the morning and late afternoon, and I would work from 10am until 3pm. This plan was based on the fact that both Craig and I wanted to spend time with Dexter, and I had the ‘potential’ to command more money in those core working hours than he could. My work bent over backwards for me throughout my pregnancy and maternity leave, and were even happy with my proposed return-to-work plan - it seemed like we had it all.

None the less, after just one week I didn’t want to be at work. I just couldn’t seem to get over the changes that had happened in those 8 short months I’d swapped my laptop or CBeebies. These changes weren’t just those at work itself, but those that had happened within me. I found myself constantly questioning why the work I was doing was important, who was benefiting, was Dexter better off without me, was I prepared to be solely responsible for our family finances??? When I failed to see any positives, I sat with Craig to reassess where we’d go from there.

The long and short of it is that Craig returned to work full-time and I became a stay-at-home mum. Luckily Craig is self-employed and makes good money on his own. Don’t get me wrong, he cannot wait for the day our children are in nursery places so I can lighten the load for him and go back to work. But we are still happily self-sufficient, have a lovely home, and can still afford a summer holiday every year. The pre-school years are certainly a struggle financially but we are able to survive without two incomes. This means I can spend these precious years with my children and achieve things at home rather than in business.

Nevertheless, our current set-up is purely a result of circumstance. My decision to stay-at-home is only possible because we are a two parent household where one of us has the ability to sustain a family financially. I know this position is a rarity in today’s world and admire women that return to work sooner - through choice, or the burden of finances. I do however feel that there is some way to go to make our working lives flexible enough to better accommodate return to work mums, and much of this can only be achieved if there is a cultural shift in our ways of thinking about how we work.

This is exactly the sort of question recently posited to a sample of working mums in a recent survey. The results make for interesting (if a little disappointing) reading.

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Juggling a family and a career is never easy, but are today’s women being pressured into returning to work before they’re ready? A recent YouGov survey, commissioned by Vertbaudet, asked 430 working mums about their relationship with their careers and the support their employers offer. More than two-thirds (67%) of respondents said that if they had another child, they would be “likely” or “very likely” to return to work once their maternity leave was over.

But despite this willingness to get back to working life, the survey also revealed some big barriers to doing so. Some 44% of mums surveyed said the cost of childcare would be a big factor in their decision to go back to work, while 30% were concerned about being able to find a suitable carer for their children. Another 24% said they might reconsider returning to work if their employer was unwilling to offer flexible working hours.

When it came to the support employers give to new mums, it seems there’s still room for improvement. Just over half (52%) of mums surveyed said they were satisfied with their workplace’s maternity support - including factors like length of paid leave, flexibility to work around appointments and cooperativeness in general. However, just 42% were happy with the level of childcare support they received after they returned to work.

As well as the financial pressure to go back to work and earn money to support children, today’s mums have high-profile celebs to live up to: people like the Duchess of Cambridge, JK Rowling, Holly Willoughby and Victoria Beckham are just a few of the supermums who make it look easy! To find out what real women think, Vertbaudet asked some bloggers if they feel pressured by the women they see in the media to “have it all”.

Kirsty and Clara Taylor-Gallop, of parenting blog My Two Mums, said: “We feel that there is an immense pressure placed by the media on mothers who wish to return to work whilst their children are young.

“Living is expensive and we feel there is a desire to want to provide the best, which almost always involves a return to work eventually. It’s great to get the time with your children at home, but making sure we have the best future provided for us is also a bonus.”

Stacey Priestley, Ecommerce Manager, from Vertbaudet said: “Working mums come under a lot of pressure to support their families, both by earning a wage in the workplace and by looking after their children at home. We encourage employers to do everything they can to support mums and recognise how hard they work to strike the right work/family balance.”

So what do you think? Would you choose to return to work if money wasn’t a factor? Does society need to offer more flexibility to mums returning to work, or are we asking too much of our employer’s?

All the research within this article is credited to Vertbaudet.

 

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