Parents’ evenings can be intimidating for both parent and teacher. Whether there are complex issues about your child’s progress to discuss or not, ensuring you get the most comprehensive feedback in those ten short minutes can ensure your child is happier and more productive at school.

Without further ado, here’s how to ace your child’s parents’ evening and ensure you’re using this one-on-one time most effectively:

Decide whether or not it’ll be productive to bring your child

My feeling on this may differ from yours, but I feel it’s best for mum and dad to do this alone. Things may arise that are difficult to discuss (behaviourial problems etc) that the teacher may want to probe, dissect or simply bring to your attention. With your child present, this discussion will include an additional layer of diplomacy, and the teacher may be inclined to soften any evidence and/or concerns.

Bring pen and paper

Within ten minutes, your teacher should impart a wealth of information. You wouldn’t interview someone without scribbling notes, so you shouldn’t rely on memory to recall what was said throughout this consultation either. Scribble down key phrases the teacher uses to describe your child (“A delight / mischievous / attentive” etc), any resources she recommends, highlights or areas for improvement.

Don’t be tempted to do this on a tablet or phone as it’s not only rude, but you’ll miss any additional cues and signs in body language that can emphasise her/his points.

Have set questions to ask

Don’t be afraid to guide the consultation when your child’s teacher has run through the key points. If you are one of the last (sets of) parents to be seen, the teacher might have been talking at length for a number for hours. Useful talking points might be:

• Who are my child’s closest friends, and what role do they assume during play?
• What activities does my child particularly enjoy?
• In what areas do you consider my child to be excelling?
• Is there anything I can do at home to help support their learning? (focusing on any areas the teacher might have suggested needs improvement)
• Observations from home that might support or contradict what you have heard.

Be prepared to hear things you might not have expected (GOOD and bad)

I’ve recently written about my own experience of Dexter’s first parents’ evening, and there were certainly some revelations there. Your child might be very different at home to the child being described by the teacher, but both teacher and parents are equally qualified to comment. Don’t dismiss things as incorrect but do share your own experience of your child if it’s contradictory - perhaps you might have some advice that will allow your teacher to make some headway with your child. Remember each year your child is likely to be sat in a different room, next to someone new, being taught by a new teacher. Some children take to this with no problems, others deal with the transition with some trepidation.

Focus on the positives just as much as any negatives: Is your child polite? Good at sharing? Confident speaking in front of the class? A calming influence on others? Always happy and smiling? These things are far harder to learn than it is to correct any difficulties they might have at math or reading.

Debrief your child

It’s incredibly important to tell your child what you have heard. Where possible do this as soon as you come out of the session so the experience is fresh in your mind. Focus on the positives first so your child feels rewarded for their achievements. Provide examples of work the teacher has been impressed with so they learn the value of hard work, and understand that this feedback is specific to them and not generic.

Approach any criticism constructively: Ask them how they feel they are performing in any areas the teacher feels need improvement, and ask them if there is anything you can do at home to help improve their confidence. Don’t ever inform them they are ‘behind’ in a given area, rather state the teacher has said they’d love to see them get even better at x, y, or z. Where the teacher has advised extra curricular activities, make them sound fun and special so your child will approach them excitedly.

Go compare

As with exams, we’re told not to discuss how well we think we’ve fared. All children learn at different speeds and some children will naturally excel at things that others struggle with. Yet whereas I agree it’s never good to compare your child, comparing notes from parents’ evening is a different matter entirely.

Approach other parents that might be willing to share their notes, both from your child’s year and beyond. Has their child struggled with the same things as yours? Were they recommended resources that helped their child? If relevant, has their child had any experience of SENCO, and did it help them? Consider arranging play dates outside the classroom so your child can get to know others undergoing similar challenges, or indeed play with children who are good at things your child isn’t - in other words, be proactive based on what you’ve heard.

Most importantly, enjoy the session. Your child is in their teacher’s care for some 6 hours a day, and never will anyone else be as invested in your child’s education.

If you have any more tips to share, I’d love to hear them!