It’s no secret that Craig and I are trying for another baby. It’s been 8 months now, and other than our miscarriage in January, nothing. Not one late period, not one faint pink line on a pregnancy test, nothing.
As well as charting, we’ve spent a fortune on ovulation sticks, I’ve been munching away on celery sticks without hummus (I know, I know - sounds horrible right?) in a bid to shed the pounds, and Craig’s ditched his morning coffee. We’ve been getting in plenty of early nights (even after World Wars 3, 4 and 5 over whose turn it is to wash up) and I’ve even taken to downing various homeopathic concoctions that a friends’ sisters’ cousins’ friend insisted helped her when they were trying.
Having just had a appendicitis scare, I informed the the doctor in A&E who was having a poke at my tummy about our baby-making mission. As she had access to some recent ultrasounds pictures that showed I had PCOS on my left ovary, she asked how long we’ve been trying and what, if anything, we’d been doing to boost our chances (presumably in case one too many folic acid tablets had bought on the crippling pain in my lower abdomen). When I spouted off all the things we’d been up to she looked absolutely incredulous, even more so when I tipped her off that Dexter is just 13 months old. Her response, like plenty others we’ve had, was to tell me I was mad and that I might be better waiting.
These sort of comments really get on my nerves. They suggest that Craig and I haven’t really thought through our decision, or are naive to the fact it’ll be hard work having two small children. I didn’t just wake up one morning and say to Craig “It would be quite cool to have another one, don’t you think?” - we’ve discussed it hundreds of times and have hundreds of reasons why we want another baby quickly. It isn’t just the romanticised notion of them playing together and becoming best friends, it also makes financial sense to us as regards childcare choices, work responsibilities, and our plans to move to Australia.
In terms of our plans, I want to have my children here in the UK. Despite much criticism, I think our NHS has a superior approach to ante-natal care and having had Dexter here, I like the idea of knowing what to expect for baby 2. Then, having already made inroads with our plans to emigrate to Australia, it also makes perfect sense to us to get this huge move done before both children reach school age. We feel it’ll be easier to uproot younger children who aren’t already in the school system, and won’t be too traumatized over moving away from the wider family.
As it’s likely that in Australia I’ll be more marketable than Craig in terms of work opportunities, we need to ensure that I won’t be taking anymore maternity leave when I have my feet under a desk. This means we’re keen to get the chaos of the early years over in one fell swoop so I can then dedicate all my attention on my career. Until then, I get to spend lots of time nurturing my babies and enjoying the early years. It all makes perfect sense.
Having two children quickly, for us, has never been in doubt. In fact, we’re so convinced it’s right for us that I refused to talk to a midwife about contraception following Dexter’s birth. Yep, laid up in the recovery ward following my c-section I told her that we’d be trying again as soon as my stitches would allow us to.
We just know that when we find out that baby 2 is safely growing in my tummy that all our hard work will be worth it. Until then, I’ll be keeping my ovulation calculator bookmarked and the bathroom cupboard stocked full of tests and potions. Back-to-back pregnancy might not be for everyone, but it is for us.
Anyone else trying to get conceive at the moment? There’s some really great advice over on What to Expect’s website - everything from secondary infertility, to fertility supplements, to conception myths. It’s well worth a visit if you’re looking for balanced and practical advice about any stage of the parenting life-cycle.
I have to say I am always shocked when I hear of people questioning whether a mother is “mad” where children are concerned. As long as your body has recovered from the previous birth, and you feel you can cope, why shouldn’t you have another baby? There were two and a half years between my girls and it was a little bit of a struggle (as we were potty training Chels) - but they grew up together and were best friends. Not so much the case now that they are 12 and 9 mind, hormones through the roof at the same time and I feel sometimes as if I could leave home!
On a serious note, I have 4 children now - two boys to add ages 4 and 12 weeks - and, from personal experience, I found it easier with a gap in ages. Just down to the fact that my eldest (12) will quite happily help feeding or changing Baby B if I’m doing something (dinner for example).
But, as I said, it’s down to the mother’s choice - and if you want to - just go for it!
Best of luck in getting your wish xx
Thanks my lovely. As you say, it’s a mother’s choice. Maybe it’s because I look quite young (I get id’ed all the time despite being 30). Maybe people think I’ll struggle.
My son was 16 months old when our second son was born. If I had a pound for every time someone said “wow, you’re going to be busy” I’d be able to afford that nanny that people think I so desperately need!
It is a constant nappy changing, crying, feeding, sleeping cycle and yes, I do feel like a zombie at times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. The love I feel for my two boys is immense and the joy they bring me every day is amazing.
Good luck with your ttc journey x
Thanks Abby - I can cope with all the hardwork as it’ll all be worth when they’re older. I really can’t see myself having two long extended mat leaves a few years apart. It puts so much pressure on Craig - it just works for us.
I was with you, I wanted them close together, and was fortunate that when I came off the pill at Christmas I fell straight away, and No 1 was 18 months when No2 was born. I wanted 3 and 4 with the same gap, but sadly No 3 did not happen till No 2 was 4 years and 9 months, and I had given up trying and was back on the pill when it happened, I did not want that large age gap but as they say you get what you are given.
I managed 2 with the small gap back in the day I had no washing machine and lived in a top floor flat, again I was young ( 19 when I had first and 20 with the second, but never felt young.)
I get the other end of it, because mine have a 7 year gap I received almost sympathy that mine must not get on or that I was mad to wait so long. People should mind their own, pluses and minuses to each scenario! I hope you have some good news very soon x
So sorry about your miscarriage and I wish you the best of luck in trying to conceive. My boy is 9 months old and I’d love another but there’s no way we could afford it yet!
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