Dexter doesn’t see his Granny Jayne very often (my mum). Yet despite this she’s still a very important person in his life and he loves it when she’s able to come around for a cuddle.

You see, around ten years ago she suffered a debilitating stroke and has never recovered the use of one of her legs and arms. It was possibly the worst day of my life.

THAT DAY

I was around 18, and studying for my A-levels. The day before had been a normal day - full of the usual teenage angst and exam stress. My mum had been at work as usual, dad too - there were no warnings that our lives were about to change in the cruelest way.

The stroke happened in the morning. I was woken around 7.30am by my mum calling out for my dad. I thought it was strange as dad left around 6am every morning. Assuming my mum had had a nightmare I went into her room to see if everything was okay. My mum seemed completely out of sorts, mumbling and unable to get out of bed. She didn’t even know who I was.

She asked if I could help her to the toilet so I tried to help her out of her bed and to her en-suite. In hindsight I should never have tried to lift her alone. My mum wasn’t a big woman at all but I was only slight and I hadn’t realised I would need to take her full weight. Mum fell to the floor banging her shoulder on her bedside table and dislocating it. As the stroke caused her muscles to weaken, her shoulder would never return to its original position.

The rest of the day was a blur with ambulances, a brief stay in CDU (the Clinical Decision’s Unit), brain scans and an eventual transfer to the Stroke Unit at Battle Hospital in Reading. I followed mum from room to room at the hospital trying desperately to reach my dad and brother on the phone to inform them what had happened and where we were. My most vivid memory is of sitting on a bench outside of the hospital waiting for my dad and brother to arrive. I was crying and in shock but so relieved to eventually see them.

Mum then began a long recovery period in hospital (it would be 3 months before she was finally discharged) and life for us all would never be the same again.

10 YEARS ON

Although she’s a different person now and we both find it hard to find common ground - I’ll always love the person she once was and remember the fun we had growing up. Although Dexter isn’t able to see her regularly as she is very susceptible to illness and she’s scared of passing these onto him, she’s a very proud granny and loves to tell her visitor’s all about her first grandson!

Mum will never recover fully and has found it hard to come to terms with her illness. She still hasn’t regained any feeling in her left hand side and has had to learn to walk again aided by a walking stick (she does have access to a mobility scooter to get out and about too). She also suffers from epilepsy and is prone to fitting which is really scary as she lives alone (mum and dad separated amicably many years ago) and has blacked out several times whilst cooking and performing other daily chores.

Having been admitted to hospital countless times over the last few years my brother recently had to contemplate putting mum into a home. We live in fear of receiving a phone call from the emergency services and knowing we could have prevented it. Nevertheless mum remains resolute that she understands the risks and wants to stay independent.

In respecting her wishes we’ve had to have very real and difficult conversations about funeral arrangements and about her lifestyle. We all understand that mum won’t be around for much longer so need to prepare ourselves. We also needed to ensure that mum’s home was the safest it could possibly be to protect her from hurting herself.

After the stroke itself, social services made several modifications to her home - hand rails in the bathroom and kitchen, the carpets have been stripped to prevent her tripping over, a bath winch was fitted to help her in and out of the bath, a safe-key is outside so the emergency services can get to her quickly etc - but over time she began to live her life downstairs as the stairs were too dangerous to climb. She slept on a sofa in her living room and only accessed the upstairs when her carer was with her.

Although mum insisted this was okay and she doesn’t have any real need to get upstairs, we wanted her to enjoy all of her home so recently bought her a stairlift similar to ones by Encasa. This has allowed her to sleep in her own bedroom again and have better access to her bathroom. It’s such a small adjustment to her home that has meant such a great deal to her. As many of her falls were on the stairs (usually owing to tiredness or a lack of concentration) my brother and I feel reassured that she will no longer come to any harm and take a tumble on them - broken bones are our biggest fear as mum’s body is less capable of fixing itself.

Stroke’s are strange and indeterminable things. Many victims will make full recoveries and live normal lives, other’s (like my mum) won’t be as fortunate and will have to live with some form of disability. Nevertheless we are so very lucky that she’s still with us and living her life the way she wants to - in her own home.

FURTHER INFORMATION

Unsurprisingly, raising awareness of Stroke’s and how to spot the symptoms is very important to me. We’ve all seen the adverts with the FAST test - if the same level of information had existed when I was 17, we might have been able to save more of my mum. Every year, around 150,000 people in the UK have a stroke. That’s one person every five minutes. Sadly my story is one of many and all of us are likely to know someone whose life has been affected.

I’d ask you all to PLEASE familiarise yourself with the symptoms below and help spread the word.

I sought permission from my mother before writing this post. She agreed as she wanted to tell her very special story.

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