I flung this question out on social media a few days ago and received some really thoughtful and interesting responses. People were commenting that they felt guilt at not always dividing their time equally between children, or reflecting on a time when they reprimanded their child as they didn’t believe them, only to have this bite them on the bum. It made for sweet and sometimes lighthearted reading.
I too have a huge regret when it comes to parenting the urchins. Something that has plagued me for the last few months, kept me up at night, and made me seriously question my judgement as a mother.
I bought them (a 3 and a 5 year old) fidget spinners.
No I’m not being overly dramatic. At just £3.49 each, these crude plastic toys have become my plastic nemeses.
Although the urchin’s hands’ are too small to operate the blasted things, they are committed to trying. This commitment surpasses any frustration they might feel, making for whingey, tormented and hate-filled children.
Their spinners accompany them everywhere - to the dinner table, to the supermarket, to the bathroom. In fact, losing one will result in near-death trauma for your child, and indeed you as you tear your home apart to reunite them both. Nothing is too precious - sofa linings are hacked into and best-kept drawers are hastily emptied.
Far from the squeals of delight you might imagine, instead ALL you will hear will be:
“Where’s my fidget spinner?” / “Mummy, Heidi’s nicked my fidget spinner” / “Mummy I dropped my fidget spinner and it’s broken” / “Mummy, Dexter threw my fidget spinner down the toilet“… Ad infinitum.
Then there’s the endless demos:
“Watch me spin my fidget spinner on my forehead” / “It works on the table too” / “And on this book Mummy” / “Look Mummy… look at me Mummy… LOOK AT ME MUMMY“
The torment is real.
The clued-up parent will be rubbing their hands with glee at this point. You’ll be thinking that you can use a fidget spinner to elicit good behaviour - “If you don’t stop baiting your sister it’s going in the bin” (or some variation thereof) - but no. A child sans fidget spinner is an evil child; lazy, devastated and spiritless. Not even the promise of having it returned will make up for it having been taken away.
Not only is this my biggest parenting regret, it tops every dodgy one night stand I’ve ever had, every minute spent in the company of my exes, and every ill-fitting outfit I owned in the 90s.
If our kids are on at you for one of these bloody things this summer, don’t give in. Keep your cool in ToysRUs no matter how severe the tantrum. Resist the pouts and promises of cleared plates at dinner-time - nothing will ever make up for the misery of introducing a fidget spinner to your household - not even a gin subscription (trust me, I’ve tried).
