I get to review so many toys for the kids, it’s pretty awesome when I get to review a toy for me!

First up, let’s hit the critics head-on…

Some of my readers might smirk that I’m happy to review an adult toy on here, but for me it’s the perfect fit. I don’t think I could handle half the stress of parenthood without me-time, and imagine this to be the same for women all over the country. Getting to grips with your body independently leads to a more healthy and fulfilled sex life and, if we’re all honest, who doesn’t want this?

Of course I’ve imagined what it will be like at nursery if another parent reads this review. Would they snigger? Well to be blunt, who cares? If they’re not one for a little light relief of an afternoon, more fool them! Craig and I are quite happy to notch up those hours in bed and ditch our iPhones for a more sociable bit of kit.

So let’s meet the Mystim Electric Eric

The Mystim Electric Eric is a rechargeable e-stim vibrator. What’s e-stim I hear you ask? Well it’s designed to be inserted inside your body so performs beyond clitoral stimulation. In fact, Eric combines tingling, pulsating, pounding and vibrating in one slick device.

You control which setting (and at which intensity) are active at any one time, meaning your vibrator has the capability to deliver both quick bursts of vibrating pleasure externally, or longer sessions via e-stim (with or without additional vibration) with your partner, or indeed yourself. Got it? Probably not, just think of it as an all-rounder. It’s got 8 vibration modes and 5 e-stim varieties plus a pelvic floor training program - Excessive? yes. But really freaking cool.

Design

Well first up, he’s a whopper:

• Length: 9.5″
• Insertable Length: 5.5″
• Girth: 4.9″ at largest point
• Width: 1.5″ at largest point

Material-wise he’s a mix of the smoothest pure medical-grade silicone (a prerequisite) and ABS plastic. This makes him 100% hypoallergenic, supremely hygienic and 100% waterproof. He’s also amazingly supple and has a bit of “give” if you give him a wobble. Ergonomically he’s shaped and proportioned similarly to LELO’s Mona so women with weeny hands might get hand-ache.

My only slight reservation here is that there is a light seam down the shaft which could get a little unpleasant if he becomes a regular bedside companion. I’d have thought this was a major no no in sex toy manufacture and am verging on disappointed to see it, but to be honest, it doesn’t affect its use.

Eric is also USB rechargable and I love the unnecessary but really novel charger magnet (it attaches to the logo on the front of the toy). He also arrives in snazzy storage case as an extra line of defense if you live with little people.

It claims to deliver 3 hours of uninterrupted use on full charge (chance would be a fine thing!) which works for us, but I have heard it contested by the pros. Charge will also weaken between sessions when not in use so I would recommend keeping him regularly topped up.

Setting him to work

Oh my. You might well need to enlist the help of an engineer for this one as there are eleventy billion buttons to get your head around. The instruction manual does its level best to help you spur him into action, but you will spend a good five minutes tweaking the intensity here and there before you find your ideal. Since you’re advised not to operate the e-stim outside of your body, this can mean you have to cycle through less preferred modes until you get to get to the good stuff - A memory setting would certainly help here.

The interface lights up in the dark for those who prefer playtime in the dark. You get three buttons for vibration and a further three for e-stim. This compromises of one to turn it on (naturally!) and cycle through modes, and plus and minus symbols to increase and decrease intensity.

Noise-wise, I’d give him a 7/10. In a silent house, hubby will hear it from downstairs - but your neighbours won’t know what you’re up to.

And so, onto the good stuff…

It goes without saying that you’ll need lube - and lots of it. The fact it takes a good five minutes of refinement before it gets pleasurable will mean your body isn’t producing the optimum environment for conduction.

And conduction is the key here - I mentioned that e-stim is designed to be used inside the body, and this is important. If only clitoral stimulation will do, even with the standalone vibration mode, this won’t be the toy for you (I’d recommend the LELO Gigi). There are two conductive plates placed strategically within the toy that will zap you much like an electric shock if you get too hung up on external play and only one plate is in contact with your skin (on the e-stim setting that is, it’s perfectly fine on vibrate-mode, but just not that effective).

It’s also well worth saying this isn’t the best toy for beginners no matter how adventurous you may think you are. It would be a little like learning to swim and attempting the English Channel. Getting to grips with what works for you is a slow and sometimes laborious process - inviting an emotionless uncommunicative gadget with more buttons than your telly to your bedroom is apt to put you off sex toys altogether.

I’ll admit to being a bit taken aback by Eric. In fact, my overwhelming thought when I opened the box was “Oh shit”. Even having put him to work several times since, I’m still a little confused as to how I feel about him. If you aren’t 100% in the mood he becomes a heady mix of frustrating and intimidating, yet when the going is good (and Craig is at the controls) you can evoke a fascinating set of sensations.

I have managed to get where I wanted several times but not without plenty of effort. Popping him in can feel a little like the beginning of a smear test when the speculum is inserted, but once he whirs into action he does manage to hit spots you might not be aware existed. I like to think it’s a neat little prep before the main event, not one for dessert.

Yet another included mode of e-stim was created specifically for kegel strengthening, precisely targeting the muscles responsible for a strong pelvic floor. This is where Electric Eric really comes into his own, and he smashes the silicone off the LELO LUNA Smart Bead I’ve reviewed before. In fact, if you mentally tell yourself this isn’t a toy and is serving a greater purpose (namely getting your kegel muscles ripe for longer orgasms, or indeed, as part of post-birth conditioning) you’re likely to get more out of it.

Where to buy? This bad boy made his way to me in discreet and robust packaging from Jo Divine - where you’ll find a veritable menagerie of adult toys to enhance play-time. The Mystim Electric Eric is currently £99.99 with free delivery.