Jun 1 2017

Becoming an over-anxious parent? Here’s how to regain your composure

Posted on June 1, 2017 by admin

As a parent, you probably think that it’s only natural that you should worry about your children and what happens to them. Of course, that’s true. But caring about your children and wanting the very best for them is not the same as turning into one of those endlessly worried parents. There is not much to be gained from wrapping your child in cotton wool and worrying yourself silly. If you want to regain control and become more composed and calm as a parent, here are a couple of tips that might help.

When they’re young, take sensible precautions rather than being reactive

As a parent, you do need to take precautions and steps to protect your child, especially when they’re young. This is what your job is. And it definitely helps to plan ahead rather than be reactive. If you are constantly reacting to negative situations rather than preventing them from happening in the first place, it’s no surprise that you’re always worried and stressed about your child. Anything from stocking up on sun cream and other medicines from an online pharmacy, to attending first aid courses can really help. Equip yourself with the right tools to deal with an emergency and you’ll quickly feel more empowered.

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Work on your own mental health

Sometimes, rather than worrying about your child, you should think about yourself. If you feel like your worrying is getting a little too out of control, you should pay close attention to your own mental state. This will help you to assess whether you worrying all the time is a sign of another mental health problem that you might have. Even if that’s not the case, working on relaxation techniques can help control your anxiety. Things like deep breathing and CBT can also make a difference if you often find yourself in a panicked state.

Weigh up every parenting decision rationally

There are lots of parenting decisions that you will have to make as your child grows up. You should try not to get stuck in your ways and only do things in a way that is fair and sensible. If you just get into the habit of making certain decisions without them having much of a basis in fact or reason, this will just make your life more difficult, and your child will resent this as well. It’s important to weigh up every situation on its own. No child rearing book can tell you the precise and specific details of your situation.

Separate legitimate concerns from fantastical fears

There are two types of things that parents can be worried about. First of all, there are the day to day things that can realistically happen. We all know the dangers out there, and it’s only right to mitigate these for the good of your child. Then there are the fantastical fears that are not really logical or realistic. For example, if your child wants to stay over at a friend’s house, there is probably no reason to stop them. As long as you talk to the other child’s parents and make agreed upon arrangements, it will be fine.

Teach and inform your children

When children are taught about and informed of the dangers of the world, they are more likely to be able to stay safe. That might sound pretty straightforward and obvious. But many parents prefer to hide the harsher side of life from their kids. Of course, that’s something that is understandable too. But it won’t help your child, and it won’t stop you worrying. In a calm way, and a way in which is appropriate for their age, tell your children about what they should do to stay safe when they’re not with you or their other parent or guardian. As your child becomes more self-aware and makes better decisions, this should stop your worrying a little.

Don’t take everything so personally

Finally, you should stop trying to link yourself so closely to the things that happen to your child. For example, if your child does something wrong at school, it’s not necessarily anything to do with your own parenting skills. Much of the worry and fear that parents experience regarding their kids is down to the fact that they are worried about how they will be perceived as parents. That’s not what matters in this kind of situation though, so just focus on your child and don’t worry about the other things that might be whizzing around in your head.

You don’t need to be that parent who worries about everything. Try to relax and work on yourself, and you can avoid that destiny.

Jul 11 2014

Postnatal anxiety attacks

Posted on July 11, 2014 by admin

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Try as I might to take this blog in a serious direction for once, I probably won’t manage it. As I sit down to write this post I have every intention of sharing my experience of post-natal depression, and the debilitating panic attacks I’ve had since having Heidi. However, since this is such a departure from my usual care-free style, I suspect that I’ll wind up making a hash of it!

The truth is, I’ve given people reason to think I’m the biggest hypochondriac on the planet. Not a week goes by where we’re not beset by some disaster or another, or one of the family falls ill. I’m the sort of person who can make a headache sound like a tumor and I’m fully aware of this. But these panic attacks are in a league of their own and have really knocked me.

I’ve always been a bit of a happy loner. I love socialising, but only with people I know. Despite this, I’ve had customer-facing jobs and am a confident public speaker. Some might see this as a contradiction, I can only agree, but this is exactly how I’ve lived my life so far - all 30+ years of it. I’m at my happiest with Craig, Dexter and Heidi, but unfortunately this has a propensity to make me ill.

The whole saga started in 2012 when the midwife handed me Dexter. A bit of agoraphobia kicked in and I hated the faff of taking him out and about. The baby blues just didn’t seem to go away, and I wasn’t able to recover any of the energy I had before I was a mummy. Despite being treated for PND and feeling better emotionally, a little anxiety has stayed with me ever since. Until now this hadn’t manifested itself physically, I just tended to over think things and turn minor things into a drama.

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The PND came back (as I’m told is often the case) when Heidi was born. This time however I was quick to nip to the doctors and get myself medicated. As was the case with Dexter, the medication has made the world of difference. I now feel happy, confident and more capable with the kiddies. I’m no longer wallowing around the house and tearing up at the prospect of a entire day alone with the two of them. I now enjoy every second with them both and things are exactly as they should be.

So when the panic attacks started 6 weeks ago, I didn’t have a clue what was wrong with me. In fact, I’ve only just accepted anxiety as a diagnosis.

My first ever attack happened in bed with Craig. One minute we were talking about the kids, and they next I was in agony. It felt like I had trapped wind in my chest, yet within seconds I was struggling to breathe and writhing around in bed. I was sweating, my back was aching, and every movement hurt. I kept begging Craig not to let me die as it felt as though I was having a heart attack. After 2 minutes pacing around the bedroom and clutching at Craig in desperation, he called for an ambulance.

Whilst waiting for them to turn up, I was sick. The sense of relief was instantaneous and I felt like an idiot. Despite me trying to reassure the ambulance crew I was okay, they weren’t prepared to take my word for it and gave me oxygen, and an ECG in my living room. To rule out a blood clot and run more tests they took me into hospital. Shortly later my blood results and a chest x-ray suggested I was all-clear and I was sent packing.

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Believing this to be a one-off, I didn’t give it much thought until it returned 5 days later. Once again, I couldn’t catch my breath, my heart was racing, and I was sweating. Thinking it was a digestive problem, I made myself sick in the hope it would pass over again. But this time it didn’t work, and 10 minutes later we were back on the phone to the emergency services. But, once again, by the time they reached the house, it had abated.4

We had a long chat with the ambulance crew and they urged me to visit my doctor. They thought it could be a damaged esophagus from my c-section or even severe acid reflux. So I duly did as requested and was prescribed Omeprazole which is supposed to reduce the amount of acid in my stomach.

But the attacks have continued.

I’ve had so many now that they’ve become second nature. They seem to be completely random; occurring at any time of the day, and lasting anywhere between 15 minutes and an hour. Having now ruled out a digestive problem, I have little choice but to accept they’re postnatal anxiety attacks despite my feeling better than ever. My doctor is keen for me to try talking therapies but I’ve flat-out refused as I already know this won’t work for me. The next step is CBT which I’m just as dubious about but seems to offer a few practical tips for dealing with them when they arise.

So I thought I’d write this post to raise awareness of the problem, and advance the idea that might be a link between PND and anxiety attacks. There seems to real lack of information about it, despite anxiety among new mothers being rife in forums. The physical attacks however seem to be an under-investigated phenomenon.

I’ll let you all know how the CBT goes so you can consider it yourself if you’re in the same boat. Until then, I wondered, have any of you experienced panic attacks after giving birth? If so, I’d be really interested to hear your story.

Feb 26 2014

32 Weeks Pregnant!

Posted on February 26, 2014 by admin

… And it’s taking forever! Given I’ve had a severe case of insomnia over the last few weeks, the days seem to be taking twice as long. I’m not sure why I can’t sleep but I can guess at anxiety - I know I’ve been over-the-top upset about name choices. Stupid I know. I can just see us repeating the same mistake we made with Dexter and bickering at the registry office! It’s so much responsibility picking a name for someone to live with for the rest of their lives; something cool, something unique. something that can be shortened. something that sounds great on a CV, something an Olympian might be called…

Then there’s the usual niggling feeling that something might be wrong with her. Of course we’ll love her whatever the future holds, but every mother wants a healthy baby. I get incredibly panicky about all the times I’ve forgotten to take a vitamin tablet, or had a half a lager with my dinner. Then there’s the times I haven’t eaten my broccoli as I’d run out of gravy… it’s all very ridiculous.

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Of course One Born Every Minute also started again this week and I defy any pregnant woman not to watch it. Although I tell myself it’s all good research, it does scare me to death. One of this week’s couples (Michelle and Micheal) had me inches from the television screen sobbing as he missed his daughter’s birth. As Craig plans on working until the last-minute and is often 100 miles from home, it’s got me worrying that I won’t have a familiar face in the room either. Given he’s also teasing me about going to his school reunion the week I’m due, I have this fear he’ll be staggering through the hospital stinking of beer and insulting all the midwives! If it’s going to happen to anyone, it’ll happen to us.

Physically, my sciatica has been a little better this week, but I’m still on the loo every 5 minutes. My boobs have also ramped up their milk-making endeavours with the occasional leak (I told you pregnancy was ugly). My stretch marks are also getting more and more pronounced and I’ve grown a double chin overnight. I wouldn’t mind any of these transformations, but walking around The Baby Show this week and seeing so many beautiful women who have kept up the spray tans, freshly-styled hair and full face of slap, I’m feeling like the frumpiest mum-to-be in the world. I’ve made a mental note to at least waddle to the beautician for a wax before the big day. Let’s face it, what we don’t see on One Born Every Minute is the midwives giggling about the lady gardens they’ve encountered that day in the staff room!

Apparently, baby is around 4lbs and 18 inches at this point, and it’s still slightly too early to rush down to Holland and Barrett for raspberry tea. She’s cramming in all the study time she can to perfect those survival skills she’ll need to thrive outside the womb — from swallowing and breathing to kicking and sucking. She also looks less opaque now and her skin colour is beginning to look more like her mum and dads (and less like Casper) - great stuff.

Just hurry Mini Madam. Mummy has had enough. I’d much rather be up at 3am nursing you, than watching television for the hard of hearing. Oh and if you can pick a side and stick to it at night it would be really helpful.