Dear Icelolly.com,

2016 has been a complete letdown so far and, with half term upon us, I’m already thinking of selling the children via Preloved.

Having spent a fortune on toy tat this Christmas, this weekend has been crudely put aside to draft a letter to Mr Cameron to see if he’ll consider inviting the taxpayers to bail out Mills Plc. On top of this my new year’s resolutions to lose weight, and keep a constant supply of Dom Pérignon in the fridge are failing miserably. Right now the only thing my fridge is chilling is 2 out of date Petit Filous, a bag of carrots and half a litre of almond milk. Yes I’ve lost weight, but only because I can’t afford my beer subscription this month.

I’m clearly showing the early symptoms of YAD (Year-long Affective Disorder) so selecting me as your latest blogger comp winner & sending me away is surely the most charitable thing you could do.

Why Crete?

Well I’m guessing the in-laws would laugh me out of their home if I suggested the kiddies stay with them for a week. So this means the mini-mes will be coming with us. If it were Craig and I on our own, I’ve have plumped for a week of debauchery, skinny dipping and sunning ourselves in the Bahamas, but I think Dexter is finally of an age where it would embarrass him to see his mummy half-cut with her stretchmarks on show.

So, with kids in tow, there’s a few things we need to take into consideration. The heat can’t be too fierce lest the kids start whinging, we need a villa or we’ll all be bedding down at 8pm to the sound of mummy slaying a lullaby, and the flight times can’t be too long either. Yes flight times. I vowed that after last time I wouldn’t fly over 4 hours ever again with children young enough to flout seat belt signs, and even the prospect of a free holiday isn’t enough to convince me otherwise. In fact, the only good thing about 2016 as I see it, is the fact that Heidi is no longer required to travel on our laps - I’d have been happier checking her in as excess luggage.

In short, we selected Greece as it’s not too far so as to result in Craig and I aging from stress, yet it still boasts a climate that might force my freckles out of hiding.

So Greece it is.

Yep, and I’m not sure it’s such a boring option either. I mean, I’ve never been and there’s tons for us to do…

Elafonissi Beach

This is supposed to be a little patch of paradise with white/pink sand made from corals & sea shells, and shallow child-friendly waters. It’s crystal clear waters are prime for snorkeling, and its home to thousands of rare and beautiful sand lilies. A bit of a tourist trap in peak season, luckily my two are young enough that we can explore in term-time and potter around in relative peace and quiet with the locals (I struggle with the noise my two children make, let alone anyone else’s!).

Ancient City of Phaistos

Growing up I always dreamed that Time Team would find some excuse to dig up my mums dahlias. I always found archaeology interesting & will one day definitely visit Easter Island. Visiting the archeological site of ancient Phaistos would therefore be a real treat. To tread where others have some 4000 years ago, sit on walls made of ancient limestone and gypsum, and get to witness any live excavations would thrill me almost as much as bumping into Chris Robshaw trying on t-shirts in Sport & Ski.

Lake Voulismeni

Craig and I plan on marrying overlooking Lake Como as we both really appreciate the beauty and serenity of still waters. Lake Voulismeni is highly recommended as a quiet beauty spot with old tavernas, traditional food and cold beer. Legend has it that the Lake is bottomless and that the resistance, when they defeated the Nazi occupying forces in WW2 dumped tanks, lorries and weapons into the lake. So if the kids are playing up when mummy and daddy are tucking into their Baklavas…

… I’m only joking. I love my two babies and would simply love to spend one last off peak adventure with them before the cost of holidaying skyrockets.

Apparently I need to tag some other bloggers to take part in this in order to qualify, which makes me raise my eyebrows slightly. I mean, what if they pick somewhere beautiful and write something so frigging awesome that Icelolly send them away instead? I’m already up against lots of childless beauties as it is! The dream holidays they’ve blogged about look amazing - husky-sledding in Iceland and styling it out like a VIP in Dubai - I only wish they were as deserving as me so we could all go away… (again, I’m joking).

In any case, I have to tag a few people so Jada, Bex and Emma - do your worst best. Or don’t enter at all, I mean that’s equally cool…

NO, SERIOUSLY - If you would like Icelolly.com to send you away (with or without your kids) - check out the competition HERE - you could win a grand towards your 2016 getaway & a shiny Olympus Pen E-PL7 camera to boot. Be quick though, it ends February 14th 2016. I’m thinking I’ve played it seriously risky with my entry, so I look forward to reading your altogether more sedate posts!