Ways to keep a relationship strong

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Rel

I don’t pretend to know everything about relationships, but Craig and I are pretty tight as a couple. The secret to our relationship is trial and error - as in all those years pre “us” were spent trialling and erroring (dating, making mistakes and testing the boundaries), and now we both know what we can (and can’t) expect of one another. Things aren’t always perfect - we disagree on politics, he snores, and I’m a utter bitch after a few glasses of white wine - but we never go to bed on an argument, and he’s still my favourite person on the planet.

It’s true that relationships require constant work. That doesn’t mean you have to be consistently hyper-aware though, it just means that prolonged periods of complacency will wind up in you reactivating your Tinder account. Although none of us know what is around the corner, it definitely pays to follow a few guiding principles for a sustainable relationship:

Learn to listen to each other

Sounds so simple, but this is where I’ve gone wrong so many times in the past. I’m a pretty strong character, and impatient to a fault. Although I’m often two steps ahead in a conversation, and three in a row, I have learned to shut my gob and listen to Craig. I’m glad I have, as simply talking through our finances or any personal challenges we might be experiencing does seem to make them better. Some of the best ideas we’ve ever had have come about through talking endlessly and mulling things over, together.

Respect one another

Respecting the opinion of your other half even when you don’t agree with it can be tougher than you think. If we take the upcoming general election as an example, Craig and I both have some pretty strong ideas that are at definite odds with one another. He’ll be voting for Mrs Mayhem this year whereas I’m, albeit reluctantly, voting for Corbyn. Even if I can’t get onboard with his thinking, I’ll always respect his opinion. That, or else I’ll push it way out of my mind and hope everyone else has better sense than him on Thursday! All joking aside, I just tell myself that there is nothing too big to overcome - no matter how huge the disagreement, there will be another one in a few days and this one will simply pale into insignificance. I’d be dead bored if we agreed on everything.

Surprise each other

Even those celebrating golden anniversaries are bound to have been frustrated with each other at some point. Although it’s a pretty extreme way of looking at life, I try to remind myself that familiarity breeds contempt. I apply to this to most aspects of my life to ensure I live life to the fullest. Tokens don’t have to be huge, a quickly scrawled post-it note left on his dashboard, or a clandestine weekend away every 6 months tends to keep things ticking over.

Craig is pretty good at this too. If I’ve texted him at work to tell him that the kids are at each other’s throats and I’m seconds away from dialling the children’s home, he’ll turn up after work with a bottle of something and take over parenting duties for a few hours. Even if you have to deal with an emotionally unavailable girl like me, there are ways to force a reaction. I can always rely on the restorative power of gin to make a bad day better.

Trust your partner

I always cringe when I see couples force each other to take lie detectors on Jeremy Kyle. Some of those stories are incredulous - with men smelling their girlfriends underwear, and women honey-trapping their own husbands. Although the average paranoid couple won’t be so tv-worthy, distrust in all its various guises is a relationship-killer. This means that you shouldn’t surreptitiously check your partner’s phone, or consider a password reset as a major red flag. If you, or he, wanted to cheat, you’d find a way to do so - and it most probably wouldn’t involve Snapchat.

Dating and…er… couple-time

When you have kids it can be hard to find the time to enjoy each other on your own. Just remember that a date night doesn’t always have to involve a table-for-two. When you’re in a long-term relationship, even a quick trip to B&Q to buy white emulsion whilst the kids are at their nan’s is time spent together. Make these moments count by not sweating the small stuff. I make it my mission to flirt with Craig, every day, at every possible opportunity - even if I’m in one of his old work shirts wielding a paint brush.

Life is just too short to spend a second of it in an unhappy relationship. If you’re over-anxious or resentful about your partner, create a plan yet be prepared to leave should it fail. Relationships should be fulfilling and well, for want of a better word, easy. If any of the above doesn’t come naturally to either of you, then don’t be afraid to ask the world for more.


A Game of Two Perspectives: From Agency to Blogger

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I didn’t really fall into blogging like most of my friends have done. Although I’ve only been running this blog for a few years, I’ve been involved in the social media sphere for over 5 years now. My first job following my media degree was for a reputable Word of Mouth (a.k.a dedicated social media) agency based in London, and although I moved from agency to agency, I stayed within the industry until I decided to have my children and take a much-needed career break.

There are loads of reasons why a brand will choose to collaborate with a swanky London media agency. Sometimes it takes real objectivity to create a direct channel between a brand and its consumers - objectivity that can be difficult to maintain if you have a strong emotional attachment to the brand (i.e. you work for them!). I liken the internet to a dense and overgrown forest - it takes real work to clear a path through the chaos and it’s always handy if there’s a guide on hand with intimate knowledge of the landscape. They’ll help with all the complicated things like media buying, SEO and paid search.

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Seth Godin on the potential of brand to consumer communication & engagement

It’s agencies like my former employers, who first understood that conversations, be they in the real or digital world, have a social and economic currency. Tapping in to (and indeed listening and participating in) these conversations can be invaluable to a brand. If you’d like to better understand how, I’d recommend just about any book by Seth Godin.

I’ve worn a number of hats in my agency career. At first I was responsible for reading, interpreting and grouping digital conversations. I became a mini detective - scouring social media for chatter, and interrogating every brand mention. Is it positive or negative? Who said it? What prompted them to say it? How many people have been exposed to that conversation? How many people participated? The list is endless.

Then came a brief foray into discovering emerging and influential ‘voices’ to engage for brand campaigns. One day I might have been looking for technology bloggers, the next I might be searching for Twitter addicts who happen to be British expats in Spain, or even compiling a list of parenting bloggers (oh the irony!).

brand-ambassador

The goal of any brand is to create a tribe of brand ambassadors to initiate conversation, influence others, & grow brand advocacy organically - NOWHERE is this better possible than via parents

Then I was bumped up into the analyst team where I began to quantify conversations and report directly to the client on their relevance. Far from being a boring number-cruncher, it’s in this role you’ll get to fully appreciate just how vital the role of social media is to a brand. You’ll track online advocacy against direct sales & be the first to spot any PR disasters.

It was certainly an eye-opener working in social media. It’s a fast-moving world where brands continually fall in, and out of, favour with their consumers. One negative review of a product or service can reach thousands of potential consumers. It’s true to say that nowadays most of us will check out online reviews before parting with our cash. Before, we might have headed on over to Which? and skimmed the user feedback for any huge flaws or to see if another brand came more highly recommended. Now we’ll type our product into Google and have a choice of forums, blogs, twitter conversations, images, and many more to help inform our choices.

Now I’m a blogger - my whole motivation has changed. I’m no longer paid to decipher, participate in, or even promote other people’s conversations - I’m now a conversation-starter. I get to dip in and out of conversations freely, create debates of my own, and offer brutally honest feedback on my experiences. It turns out I’m an opinionated little so-and-so and am never short of things to say! Funnily enough, this makes me (and all of us) a powerful marketing commodity.

So what are the top three things I’ve learnt transitioning from agency to blogger?

Don’t take it personally

I’ve lost count of the number of times that bloggers have directly approached a brand only to be told “I’m afraid your blog doesn’t quite fit our preferred blogger profile” - It’s a common theme in blogger forums, and I should point out I’ve heard it said far less politely than this in my time too!

Far from being a reaction to low stats, the reason this brand might not consider you the ‘right fit’ might be that they are ideally looking for bloggers with more (or indeed less) emphasis on arts and crafts, or that they wanted a blogger who has a passion for prams & pushchairs, or that you weren’t in their preferred age range or location. This could be because they intend on following a long-term creative strategy that requires them to partner with bloggers who meet a certain set of criteria. It’s certainly nothing to be worried, frustrated, or upset by. You might not be right for one brand, but you will be right for countless others.

Poor outreach is never acceptable

This really gets on my nerves, and has been articulated by other bloggers far more elegantly than I intend to. In short, there’s no excuse for impersonal outreach. If my name is clearly there for all to see on my profile page, I expect to be addressed with the correct salutation and forename. It’s also now (thankfully) common practice to receive outreach that shows me that PR’s have read at least previous post of mine - something along the lines of “I read your post about Dexter’s eventful trip to the supermarket the other day. You must have been so embarrassed, but I couldn’t help but laugh…”…

Remember the true cost of blogger outreach, and prove your worth

The cost of working with a blogger on a review, is not merely the cost of the product you have received. If I receive a £50 ride-on toy, there is also the cost of the delivery, and the cost of the contract with the PR agency that reached out to me and engaged me in a review. Usually, no physical contract exists so there’s a fair amount of trust that has to exist between brand and /or agency, and the blogger concerned.

If you really want to form long-lasting relationships with brands, make sure you do a good job. It’s not about flattering the brand with a dishonest appraisal if you didn’t like the product - but be constructive with your wording. Always link to their additional social media channels, and (if appropriate) showcase a few select other products from the brand. Ensure any stock photos from the site click-through to the brand’s website, and otherwise use your own pictures to show the products in a home setting. Finally make sure you use a SEO plugin such as Yoast to ensure you’ve maximised every opportunity to get your post noticed. It’s then a case of sharing across all your social media profiles. If it’s a brand I really enjoyed working with, I might then send an email in a few weeks to share just how many hits the post has had, and send them links to any particularly interesting comments (be they on the post itself, or Facebook, Twitter or G+).

So that’s it really. I don’t position myself as any more (or less) knowledgeable than any other blogger, I definitely learn a little more everyday, am never too proud to ask a question, and make mistakes daily. But keep it fun, friendly and professional and you won’t go too far wrong.

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