Blogger Comp Entry #MySpaNomination

So this little comp popped up in my inbox this morning …

… #MySpaNomination with SpaSeekers by Jen at Love Chic Living. The comp invites bloggers and vloggers to nominate a deserving friend to win a spa stay for two at the K-West Hotel in London - which looks a teeny bit more luxurious than my Lego-ridden home right now.

In fact, from where I sit right now I have a veritable panorama of V-Tech and Fisher-Price, muslin squares and Huggies baby wipes. The carpet has absorbed its own weight in Aptamil follow-on milk and its resulting effects, spilled wine and other fluids I’d rather not admit to on such a public platform as this. The kids are transfixed by In the Night Garden and are thankfully oblivious to the downright hazardous conditions they’re being raised within.

My bathroom is brighter than a soft play centre with enough plastic toys to entertain a pediatric ward full of more deserving children than my two monsters. Relaxing candle lit baths lose their appeal when confronted by the toothpaste scum around the sink plughole and wide range of toilet training seats balanced precariously atop one another a good metre away from the actual toilet. Perhaps curiously we also own too many toothbrushes for a family of four, and my children have a thing for empty bubble bath bottles so we’ve afforded them no fewer than 6 to play with - all of which are appear to have pride of place on our bathroom shelf.

Needless to say, a caravan site in Bognor Regis is comparatively luxurious to this house right now, so the K-West Hotel is what I can only imagine Mecca looks like.

So for a huge number of reasons, I’d like to nominate this man to receive a spa retreat, not least because I’ll divorce him if he doesn’t take me with him.

Don’t get me wrong, there is no one more deserving than he. His job is a varied one not limited to:

Binman - He is capable of lifting black sacks heavy with nappies, half-chewed chicken nuggets and other delights from Brabantia bin to dustbin. Mummy is probably capable of such momentous feats herself, but is usually too hungover to risk it.
Insect Handler - We somehow operate an almost Buddhist sentimentality to spiders in this house. Left to me, I would coat the little bastards in Windex, bleach and whatever else lives under the kitchen sink, but Craig lifts them with deference to the safety of the garden where they can sprint back in through the windows he insists on opening despite the subzero temperatures outside.
Head Cleaner - Whether the tool required is feather-duster, vacuum cleaner or damp sponge, this man is a consummate professional. Of course, I partake in daily chores too, but I leave the particularly hideous jobs such as Vanishing poo from bodysuits to him - he’s just so much better at it than me.
Head Chef - This guy does a mean Chicken Dippers and chips for Child 1, also chops and mashes strange concoctions of fruit and vegetables for the fussiest baby in the UK, and whips up low fat meals for the two of us despite the fact he doesn’t need to lose weight.
Electrician - Not only has he singlehandly hooked up no fewer than 8 baby monitors in his short time served as a daddy, he also runs a 24 hour help centre for any electrical questions throughout the day. Typical call-outs include the not loading of Fireman Sam on Netflix, tripped circuits and lost internet connection.
Handyman - This is slightly tenuous one as I would not trust this man with a power drill, but he is great at screwing things, replacing batteries in toys, and mending toilet seats that have graced an over enthusiastic 2 year-old bum.
Bill-payer - Yes, he does all of the above whilst working a 60 hour week. This allows me to sit on my back-side and write about the chaos in my home rather than sorting it out (and enter blogger competitions like this one, of course).

If you think you know someone equally deserving (trust me, you don’t), you can enter the competition here. Entries are due by March 16th 2015 (which is way too far away - I might have run naked to a mental hospital by then).