This one has been brewing for awhile. So miffed am I about the price of In the Night Garden Live prices, I can’t just drop it.

So Dexter turned two a few weeks back. We had a family BBQ here and (against all odds) it was a real success. We still wanted to celebrate as a family though so had our eye on In the Night Garden Live (NO FOLLOW) which is currently touring the country. As Dexter is such a huge fan of the show we thought it would be the perfect surprise for him to see the live show and meet Iggle Piggle in all his eerie blueness. Okay, it would be hell for Craig and I (it’s bad enough for the 20 mins we’re forced to watch every evening), and taking a screaming Heidi wouldn’t be much fun either, but it would be memorable day for the little man.

The closest tour date to us is Richmond Park in London (bear in mind we’re looking at upwards of £50 train fare for us to get there) so Craig popped online a few weeks ago to book the tickets. He was about to pay when I peered over his shoulder and saw the prices. What happened next might as well have been in slow motion. I ripped the laptop from his hands and we had a heated conversation with plenty of expletives. I just couldn’t get over what they were charging for just one hour’s entertainment.

For a weekend ticket: £27.50 PER ADULT!!!

As if this wasn’t bad enough…

£27.50 PER CHILD!

But it gets worse…

£13.75 for my (would be*) 6 WEEK OLD!!

= £96.25

*I say ‘would be’ as this is the age Heidi would be at the time of the performances - and more notably as there was just no way we were paying that - £96.25 for an hour’s show!!!

Think I’m being tight? Well here’s why EVERYONE SHOULD BOYCOTT IN THE NIGHT GARDEN LIVE.

I have a problem with just about everything.

First up £27.50 for an adult is excessive. Of course, it’s cheaper during the week and in other locations but this just fires me up even more. It’s as though they know they can charge more in an affluent area in London, and they’ve added a further premium on the weekend when families are more likely to be attending together as daddy has a day off from work.

Then there’s the child price. By child, they refer to any tot who isn’t in mum’s arms or strapped into a car seat. To charge the same as an adult is just ridiculous.

Then there’s the price for Heidi. Given she’s likely to be asleep or have a face full of boob, why should we have to pay for her???

Incensed, I took to Facebook to see what everyone had to say:

Okay, perhaps my rant hasn’t reached as many as I’d hoped… but, with this post, I hope it’s about to reach a whole load more!

But even with the limited coverage it’s had so far, it hasn’t escaped the notice of the guys behind the production. They invited me to email them (no doubt to stop me ranting over public forum) to which I happily did so. I received a nice enough email back. By ‘nice’ I mean they were perfectly polite - but I’m STILL not happy.

Where do I start with this??

Yep it didn’t escape my notice they have a giant inflatable tent to house the show in. Whilst I can appreciate this is costly to set up, so is every single stage performance shown in the UK. Cinema, West End plays, local theatres, even buses and airplanes all differentiate between a child and adult in terms of pricing despite the fact that children count towards their seating capacity. No doubt their impressive showdome is also to ensure parents who have not re-mortgaged their house cannot see in.

And whilst we’re at it, it’s lovely that they’ve received positive feedback from parents to say ‘their babies’ really engaged with the show - I have no doubt this is largely absolutely true. This is because children aged between 6 months to 18 months are still babies. They won’t recall the experience in years to come, they probably won’t remember it the day after! As for 6-week-old’s - they can’t see beyond 30cms of their face and don’t think of anything at all except whether they’re hungry or not.

I appreciate it’s tricky to apply a lower age limit to a show targeted at children - after-all, where does the baby end, and the child begin?… and I don’t expect them to ID kids on the door. But they’re already doing this - by offering a babes in arms policy in the first place, they’ve drawn that line for themselves - just let these ‘babes’ in for free!

Lest I forget, this is a “price that compares very favourably with other TV-based live shows”! Not so. Rather than spend the equivalent of a weekly food shop in Waitrose, I’ve just booked for Dexter to see Justin Live! in our local theatre in September instead. This has cost us less than than half the price of In the Night Garden Live and (thankfully) is less likely to make mine and Craig’s ears bleed. What’s more, we won’t be shoved out of the door after an hour to make way for the nest procession of mugs.

Finally, I would simply love to see the ‘customer feedback‘ they refer to above. I can’t imagine that any right-thinking parent would happily nod along to the fact they’re being ripped off.

… Don’t forget the add-ons!

As if all this wasn’t bad enough - there’s add-ons that will make your eyes water. Yes your child could carry away a goody bag worth £45 for a miniscule £29 (£24 if you pay in advance) - which they are incredibly careful to stress has been positively received by other parents.

Well yes… this might be so. But the parent who can’t afford such luxuries is likely face an evening of tears and a tantrum that would register on the richter scale if their child sees another beaming and clutching their swag! Did you poll these guys? I think not.

Feeling pissed off? I don’t doubt it. Well prepare to feel even more so.

Helpfully, as you’re nearing the end of the online checkout process, there’s yet another add-on…

Yes! Your child could meet a character!

Not to be missed, your child could spend a whole 2-3 minutes overcoming their shyness and meeting a life-sized non-speaking actor in a costume! The price? Oh don’t worry, it’s ONLY £15! £15 PER CHARACTER. If your little Veronica Salt should want to meet BOTH Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy it’s £30! That’s more than you are already paying to usher your little one through the door in the first place!

In conclusion, if we had wanted to give Dexter the In the Night Garden experience…

It would be £96.25 to get us us all in the magical showdome

+ a further £59 to have him meet his idols and take away a bag of memories

= £155.25 (before travel)

Shame on you In the Night Garden. Shame on you.