My family are scattered all over the UK. Although I have my brother close by, my dad and his wife are too far away to see as regularly as we’d all like. As Dexter and Heidi are his first grandchildren, I know it seriously breaks his heart, and Craig and I certainly aren’t helping matters by whisking the children off on holiday over the Christmas period.
When I first opened up to people about my experience of post-natal depression and the resulting anxiety attacks, I was asked time and time again where my family were and whether they were supportive. I’d always answer truthfully and tell them I was really struggling with the distance and now see that it did slow down my recovery; there’s nothing like a trauma to remind you of the importance of family.
It doesn’t make me love them any less, and I’m not at all angry about it. In truth, the situation is set to get a whole load more challenging when Craig and I emigrate to Australia! But I do sometimes worry that the children are missing out on their granddad.
So just how can you bring the spirit of family together when there’s such a vast distance between you?
Skype and Video-calling
Skype and Facetime are simply brilliant inventions. Physically seeing someone on the screen in front of you is as close as you can get to seeing each other without seeing each other. It also allows the children to keep the image of their granddad fresh in their minds, and for my dad to experience all those amazing Firsts for himself; first words, first steps, first day at nursery and many more besides.
My biggest tip is not to pressure your children to sit in front of the screen like performing monkeys, rather allow them to flow in and out of the conversation as they please. This means they’ll enjoy these moments rather than scream throughout!
Letters
Nowadays we’re so quick to dismiss letters as an outmoded form of communication - but it offers something truly tangible to hold onto, and something far more personal than a phone call. We always make an occasion of reading granddads letters with all four of us sitting down together. We also make the letters available to the children at all times. If Dexter comes to us brandishing a letter, we stop what we’re doing and read it to him there and then.
You don’t need to write reams to make a letter special. In fact the best letters don’t contain many words at all! I know my dad really enjoys receiving photos of the kids or an original piece of artwork. Equally, they love postcards or flyers featuring their favourite tv characters (Fireman Sam for Dexter, and Upsy Daisy for Heidi) - sounds cheap and tacky, but the kids really covet these and Dexter will even take some to bed with him!
The only downside to letters is they can get torn, and often do if Dexter is having a tantrum! Don’t give up though and quickly stash older letters that have survived the human shreader into a memory box for them to appreciate when they’re older.
Sending Gifts
I’m not advocating spoiling children, but small gifts inevitably score big reactions from youngsters. Gifts needn’t be expensive - I’ve sent dad canvasses of the children, homemade salt-dough Christmas decorations and other personalised projects, and dad is constantly on the hunt for little things he thinks the kids will enjoy. His latest parcel contained Fireman Sam wellies and an eczema cream for Heidi. It just evidences the fact he really listens when I moan about the kid’s latest fads and ailments.
Just make sure you use a reputable courier such as TNT to send bulkier items, particularly if you’re sending something overseas. Things the children have made are truly irreplaceable and it can be pretty soul-destroying to have these go missing in the post!
