We’ve all heard people say that “no one ever wrote a book on how to be a good parent” (an excuse usually batted out on Jeremy Kyle as to why little Johnny ended up in the care system) - it always makes me bristle a bit as plenty of people have done exactly that. For me, common sense and plain old research play a large role in my response to parenting Dexter. I’m never afraid to ask my peers if I get stuck, but Google has also helped us out on more than one occasion. This is particularly true when Craig and I are mulling over when to introduce new foods, new play, and new challenges (such as potty training) to Dexter.
This is why a recent study by the Centre for Social Justice (CSJ) as reported by BBC News yesterday, really got me thinking. It centred on the fact that some school children enter the system some two years behind where they should be developmentally, and without the rudimentary social skills needed to get the most from the education system. Worse still, there are a growing number of 4 and 5-year-old school children still in nappies and unaware of their own names.
This think tank haven’t held back any punches. They’ve cited an increase in entry-level children who have clearly had an “abysmal” start in life, and parents who “just can’t be bothered”. Although there was a distinct lack of hard evidence in the article, read instead as a social commentary on our primary school education system, it’s still very worrying, and very hard to ignore.
Is there ever an excuse for such woefully ineffective parenting? Or is this, in fact, symptomatic of child abuse? If so, what can be done about it?
Rather than focus on these questions the report turns instead to causation. In my opinion, it mistakenly cites nuclear family breakdown as a major cause - a social problem too often exaggerated in my opinion. The truth is that these children are being failed by more than one parent in order to fall so drastically behind the levels of development expected for their age. Rather, the next cause cited seems more realistic.
Emotional neglect from disengaged parents is also a damaging factor for children’s development, says the study. There are also 700,000 children living with parents who are “dependent drinkers” and 335,000 with “dependent drug users” BBC News
This, for me, is the only cause for this problem. That’s over 1 million high risk children being failed by their parents; as neglect is a form of child abuse in itself, that’s over 1 million potential Baby P’s and Daniel Pelka’s living in our society.
The Government response seems less than decisive. Despite increasing the pupil premium to £2.5bn a year and doubling the number of disadvantaged two-year-olds eligible for free nursery places to 260,000 - this is a reactionary measure, rather than an attempt to save these children from a potentially damaging home environment. What if there really is an altogether simpler solution that will allow us to distinguish between genuinely naive parents, and those who simply can’t be bothered?
SOURCE: NHS Choices
It seems to me that it is parents who need educating, rather than children. Give them the tools and knowledge to better nurture their children, and some of the preschool skills gap might be addressed. Don’t send known high risk babies home to their drug dependent families without giving them a clear set of expectations. Put crudely, what if parents were given a manual on the basics of childcare at the time of birth?
I think it’s taken for granted that new mum’s will have online parenting resources, and the confidence to seek advice from their peers. If instead, it is clearly spelt out that children should be hitting modest levels of attainment month by month, then parents can better prepare their preschoolers for life in the classroom, and potentially spot special needs children earlier. Perhaps more importantly, it might help weed out those children who are being let down by neglectful parents.
This isn’t even a new concept. The Birth to Five book used to be routinely given out to all new mothers - I know my own midwife mentioned the fact that it was available to buy from the NHS website shortly after I had Dexter (she was mistaken, by then print versions had been discontinued). Although the same information is now available on the NHS choices website, this might not be accessible to all.
This would obviously need to rolled out in tandem with a whole host of other initiatives to tackle the problem from source. Specifically, we’d need to come down much harder on those parents who aren’t showing due care and attention to the needs of their children. But just maybe a back-to-basic approach would help improve the early prognosis for some preschoolers - let’s face it, anything is worth a try to prevent children being failed by their parents: Ignorance of key milestones their children should be meeting in advance of starting school is simply not good enough in today’s society.
FURTHER READING:
“More pupils wetting themselves, say teachers” BBC News
“Education Underclass” of children in the UK is still in nappies when they start school The Independent
Agree wholeheartedly with you. It’s heart-rending when you read these stories. My kids school would not take them unless they were out of nappies and could go to the toilet unaided. To my knowledge, staff there will not wipe bottoms either! Sadly, some parents just don’t care and no book will address that. In the ‘good old days’ mothers had a network of support from family and friends living nearby. This is as much a problem of the break down of communities as it is of bad parenting.
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That’s interesting - so what happens when kids turn up unable to do so then? Do they send them home?
You’re definitely spot on with the community aspect. Sadly you can’t force parents to groups or classes and many would fall through the cracks even if you did! I think much of this is down to increasing birth rates. We’re in the mdist of a population boom at the moment and our healthcare services are really stretched. This puts a whole heap on pressure on community health visitors and the like. Children and parents aren’t being given enough support, some parents are ill-educated and not knowledgable about the milestones their children should be hitting. What seems like common sense to you and I just isn’t for some people. It’s really sad.
I saw some artciles about this yesterday and I have to say, generally I don’t like the tone in which they are written. I have a child whos in nappies in the education system and he is about 2 yrs behind, he has special needs including autism & gross motor delays. I really dont know of a lot of children in nappies in school other than with special needs or medical problems. who on earth would really be happy to send their kid in nappies if they have a choice? it’s gonna break my heart to send my child to school in nappies & unable to talk and i really do hope that within the next yr he improves more so we can work towards that not having to be the case.
If there are parents who really just cant be bothered of course that’s a concern but i just can not fully get behind the statistics being pedalled around- there are more children in mainstream schools now with special needs as not everyone is going to special schools so obviously teachers may notice more of these kind of needs??
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Hi Anna - I understand. If a child has disabilities of course this will result in delays in development and they may well be in nappies. I hope you weren’t offended by my post as children with special needs were not the children I was referring to at all.
It’s an interesting take on the debate though. If there has been an increase of special needs children going into mainstream schools, this may well explain some of the increases noted by teachers and education professionals. If this is the case then perhaps additional support staff should be bought into primary schools to help teachers deal with the problem. It must be a burden on teachers to deal with this when they have ever-increasing class sizes. It’s a really interesting point.
No, wasn’t offended by yours although I was slightly by the parentdish one! We do need more support staff in schools. It is not made that easy for children with additional needs to get the extra support thats needed, so many hoops we have to jump through meanwhile the children are losing out while waiting for everything to be sorted out for them!
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Absolutely. Support staff aren’t hugely expensive and are infinitely useful for teachers and children alike. At my former primary school we had dozens. They performed TA tasks such as helping teachers with story-time and art lessons, and provided a considerable amount of relief to teachers if they were absent. They might have been unqualified but they were fantastic. Nowadays these people will have had to have undergone stringent tests and probably have a degree! The Government have just meddled too much and ruined a system that really worked previously.
I agree much more needs to be done to help those struggling with parenthood to be better parents.
Rather than spending money on more free child care places, a better investment might be parenting classes.
I think it needs to be both. There have been some seriously worrying reports about lack of school places recently (rising borth rates and insufficient funding are the primary causes - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-23931974) - this is absolutely inexcusable to my mind. The Government have a heads up on this and need to crack on with building more schools. If Dex gets to school age and there’s overcrowding, no spaces and standards have dropped, I’ll be disgusted.
I agree with you re parenting classes but think it’ll be hard to convince parents to go. Ensuring access to free resources (such as the Birth to Five book) is a low-cost way of ensuring parents are armed with the basics. I also believe there should be a 3 year health visitor check too (just like there is for 2 year olds). Potty training, speech development, and basic preschool skills should all be checked. After the two year check - things just seem to come to a halt so prematurely. I’ve never even seen a health visitor!
It is horrific. I used to work with deaf children in a Nursery setting and because they weren’t often diagnosed until nearly 1 (there was no hearing test just after birth at that point) and then they had to get into the system and their parents had to learn how to communicate with them, they would often be far behind and start nursery in nappies, unable to communicate and used to snatching and physical approaches to get what they wanted. They were often infantalised and discipline was non-existent. They stood out as really behind, really different. Now, 15 years later, I see lots of that behaviour among the general 3/4 year old population and there’s absolutely no excuse nor reason for it.
The Birth to 5 book was good, I liked it, it was useful. I think they should bring it back, it might at least give people a kick when they’re reminded of what their children should be capable of.
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I completely agree. It’s the same for me when I see older toddlers being ferried around in pushchairs, ignored on buses (with their mums clued to their Blackberries) or not reprimanded for bad behaviour when out and about. These are basic things that all parents should be aware of.
You’re quite right about the Birth to Five book. I’m fed up of referring to twenty different websites to find out what Dexter should be achieving. I know children all achieve different milestones at different times, but a very basic overview in written form would really help parents focus their attention more positively. We need to ensure children are given the courtesy of a solid preschool education so they can thrive under the guidance of their teachers. To not do this is so so so selfish.
I feel so sorry for the children that have to go to School like this, when it has been down to the parents (special needs/disability excluded). I truly believe more needs to be done to help the parents. Support, as in a real person rather than the computer just does not seem to be their anymore.
My son is starting primary School in less than 2 weeks and I would be horrified if he was still in nappies. Thankfully I potty trained him age 2 and at nearly 5 he is confident it all things toilet related.
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Absolutely. Expecting parents to conduct all their own research when some are just completely incapable is terrible. We live in a age where some parents are living below the poverty line without access to computers / internet / group support. Then you get some mothers who have the added pressure of being ill educated and unable to read advice. It’s too easy to blame the parents when some of this problem might just be plain old lack of knowledge.
Some of these Children are practically feral left to entertain and look after themselves. If you want an insight into society just read any spotted posting on Facebook.
I know - it’s very sad. It’s hard to work out if some of these mother’s are clueless, lack any maternal instinct, are suffering with PND, or are just incredibly selfish.